I have a best friend
her name is D
she is the church I find around me
the reason it works is we let us just be
we dont say how
we dont say when
we say a lot again and again
I've found some light people. It was getting pretty dark.... some of you know way more than others. within actually 31 hrs a whole heck of a lot changed. work, home, congregation. yes i did use the word congregation. more and more every day i realize that there is a complete misunderstanding...mostly with me but with others too of what a church is. well we do actually know what church is. it's not about singing another song or having another drink although those things can and do happen in church....i wish i could find another word that'll work for me besides church. i don't want gathering, i don't want group, or congregation or counter culture. this isn't a massive shift. this isn't a revolution. this has been happening for years. God knows i'm here right now. he knows where i'm at. he knew this would happen. when i think about those things alone i am overwhelmed with joy. i have that deep peace again.
i've had this peace now 4 times in my life. it's the deep knowing that i hang on to when the going gets tough and dark. sometimes i forget that my hand is still around it and i'm holding on.
today is the first day in as long as i can remember where i've had this much laid on the table. it's all there. truths i was afriad to say are out. people who i had blocked on facebook aren't. places i was afraid to go i'm not anymore. my discontent has turned into gratitude...cause this is what it is. it's the journey i'm on. i am a pretty black and white person. for as opinionated as some of you think that i am you've probably only heard a tiny bit of what i think...i have lots of thoughts.
i to a fault am a 100% or nothing person. in friendships, love, work, life, adventure and spirituality. there are things that change who i am....these last 31 hours have.
i will always live with all of my heart
there will always be a birdie over my heart
over that birdie will always be written freedom
ink that brought life...and that only took 4.5 hours
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i read this while i was getting my elbow tattooed. i was in alot of pain and couldn't stop flinching so needed something to keep my mind off of it... and remembered you were gonna write a blog. and wow, perfect timing. and the way you worded our friendship in the beginning. perfect. i couldn't have said it better. and i love the birdie over your heart. i was thinking about it today after i read your blog and realized what a real turning point that was for me, when we got those tattoos. i felt so free and really now i look back... and it was just the beginning. how amazing eh.
ReplyDeleteanyway, love you fadie.
thanks for being there to answer my phone calls.
*D*
oh and ps. wow, i'm so happy for you. the peace is an amazing thing and truly priceless. congrats. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is very hard to define "church" culturally we have been programed as to what the word means ... is it people , a place or is it a community ... I do not know either ... but when we are honest with others as you are being hear I think that we are getting close to what it is ...
ReplyDeleteSo maybe it is just being who we are ...
So church really is the friends that you chose to hang out with and be real with ....
So your right as you said on your first line :)
it is so great to see this happening more and more ...